Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.