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I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Serving size ?? LMAO
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.