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I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, Iām pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
5 symptoms of laziness ā> 1.
Smelling another person should be a choice.