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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.