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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.