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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.