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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.