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Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me