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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.