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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
never be afraid to wipe twice
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.