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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....