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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.