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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
Life is fun! You should get one.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”