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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I just awesomed all over the place.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Running behind is my cardio.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!