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There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly