Daily Silly Status

At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.

I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.

Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!

If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.

Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.

I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.

"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.

Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.

I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.

Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.

I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!

Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.