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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."