Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.