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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, Iām part of the other 2%
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??