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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.