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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.