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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink