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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.