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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.