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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug