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Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I hate when the remote is way over there
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...