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When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.