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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?