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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Question everything...Or should you?
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.