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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?