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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.