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It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.