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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?