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"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.