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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I dare you to spit on this status.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.