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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.