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Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.