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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.