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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.