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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?