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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
Condoms prevent minivans.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)