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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.