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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.