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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."