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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
New day, same old bullsh!t
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
What if the weather talks about us?
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.