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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
It needs more cowbell!!
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually