Daily Silly Status

When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.

For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.

Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery

I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice

My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004

Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.

I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes

Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....

Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.

I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.

There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.

Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.

I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.

I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.

"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."