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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?