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Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep