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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I put the PRO in inappropriate!