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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.