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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.