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If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Iām tired of things costing money.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.