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It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?