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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!