Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.