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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My cardio is shopping.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.