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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.