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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.