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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!