Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.