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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`